Because I fell in love with him, and relationships are about so much more than just sex. I mean, I love everything about him. I adore him. He’s like 90% of everything I’ve ever wanted in a husband.
Believe me, he’s a great guy. Women love him. He had lots and lots of smart, accomplished, and beautiful girlfriends before me. He has a small dick, true, but that’s just one little part of him (if you’ll excuse the expression).
Even sex with him is great. It’s a different kind of sex than most other couples have. There’s lots of oral sex (his mouth on my cunt), and I give him handjobs and blowjobs, and lots of strap-on fucking. He’s extremely affectionate. There’s lots of hugging, touching, and kissing.
In a FemDom relationship, sex doesn’t always involve his penis. And he doesn’t always get to cum. But keeping him always wanting and hungry for it is actually better for our relationship.
We didn’t go into the marriage knowing how things between us might change and evolve later (the hotwife/cuckold, FemDom thing), but I think that’s true with most couples. Situations change. People change. Needs and desires change. And relationships change.
But people who love each other, and want to be together figure it out and work through it. They don’t just give up and get a divorce. Marriage is something you work on. Always.
I am committed to my husband and my marriage. So is he. Divorce is simply not an option for us. Neither of us want that.
My husband and I are going to get through this, just as we have so much else that has transpired before. What’s important to me is that we do so openly and honestly with each other.
I mean, I love to tease and play with him, about his little dick, or whatever. About the fact that he has to share me with other men. About him being my little faggot. But it’s all in fun and done with love.
I’m very sexual. I need lots of sex. I love variety. I love different kinds of men. I love the excitement of meeting and getting to know a new man. I need a big cock. I love strong, powerful, aggressive black men. I need a lot more cock than my husband can give me. More than any one man could ever give me, actually. I’m not a one-man-woman; never have been, and never will be. I need a good, hard, nasty fuck. A man with stamina who can fuck all night. A man who likes anal. A man who takes what he wants. That’s just how I like it.
It seems like that’s kind of hard for people to get sometimes. I have a dominant side, with my husband. But with other men, black men in particular, I’m very submissive.
My husband knows all of this about me, and accepts it. He loves that I fuck other men. It turns him on. He experiences the usual cuckold angst… the jealousy, the anxiety, the fear of losing me to another man, the humiliation of having to clean me up afterwards, and all that… to varying degrees, depending on the situation. But he also love it. He loves that emotional roller coaster. It’s very exciting for him. And for me.
He also loves how I dominate him and constantly push the envelope with him. He loves my creativity and the fact that I’m always wanting to do and try something new. He loves it when I surprise him. Believe me, he wouldn’t stay if he didn’t. He’s a wealthy, successful, good-looking man. He could leave anytime he wanted, and he’d be fine. Plenty of women would kill to be with him. He stays with me because of the bond we have, and the love we share. He also loves that I’ve never been awed or intimidated by his money and power in the vanilla world.
Taking my strap-on… especially in the beginning… was extremely difficult for him. He resisted, like most heterosexual men would. It hurt him. He didn’t like it. But over time, after I made it clear to him that it was not just going to be just a one or a two time thing, he eventually got used to it, and has learned to love it. You should see the way he puts his ass up for me now. Like a little bitch that needs it.
To put it mildly, sucking cock hasn’t been easy for him. Especially Johnny’s cock. Johnny is pretty big and thick, and it took a while for my hubby to feel comfortable taking it in his mouth. But he does it for me because I want him to have that experience.
The issue right now has more to do with my insatiable sex drive. It’s not really so much about him. I need to be fucked a lot. Every day. Every night. Every morning. And I’m not really getting that.
I see Johnny about maybe twice a week, but that’s not really enough for me. I find myself just always missing him. I don’t think of myself as being in love with him, but I do share a very special bond with him.
It might sound strange to say, but he’s my Bull. I think of him as my Bull… as the man that I belong to sexually… as the man that I want to totally give myself to physically. I want to have a baby with him, which I know freaks some people out, but that’s honestly how I feel. I want Johnny to be my baby daddy.
But at the same time, I love my husband and want to be with him too. I guess like most women, I just want it all. I want my cock and cuckold too!
I’m not sure if the answer is to have Johnny move in with us. We have a guest house on the property… a pool house actually… that he could easily move into. There are certainly some reasons why that’s maybe not such a good idea, but it’s something I’m considering right now. Or maybe the answer is to just have him move closer to us, so that I can see him more often. That’s complicated, though, because Johnny lost his job in January and is still looking for work.
Situations and decisions are never perfect, they are just what they are, and you learn to adjust and work with them.
So I don’t know. We’ll have to see how things work out. But one thing is for sure, my husband and I will work on this together and come up with something that works for us.