My hubby appears to have gotten over his little anxiety attack about being forced to suck Johnny’s cock last week. We spent a lot of time talking this afternoon about what happened, about our relationship and how it’s changed and evolved since we met, and since we’ve been married.
We talked about my expectations of him, about his needs and fantasies and desires, as well as my own. We actually ended up talking about a lot of things that we had never really talked about before but that each of us has been thinking about, etc.
I told him, for example, about my super intense fantasy about Johnny getting me pregnant and me having his baby. I shared with him that every time I think about it I cum in like 5 seconds. But I also assured him that it’s really just this crazy dirty fantasy I have, it’s not at all realistic, and reassured him that I was still on the pill and did not intend to go off it.
I also told him about a few things that I’ve done with Johnny and my other sometimes Bull Leon in the past that I had never told him about before. It felt good, actually, to get a lot of that stuff out in the open. I could tell he was somewhat anxious about the fact that I had kept certain secrets from him, and promised that I wouldn’t do that anymore.
I also shared with him my desire to explore my deepest, darkest submissive fantasies and desires with an experienced older Dom, and that I had been sort of looking around with that in mind. I told him I had met a few possibilities for drinks, but that so far, nothing’s really clicked yet. I reassured him that this didn’t mean that I love him any less, or wanted him any less, or that I plan to give up my relationship with Johnny. Rather, it’s just something else that I’ve really been wanting to experience, and learn more about. I told him that I wanted to experience it with someone totally new that has a lot of experience with BDSM (and the proper equipment!).
Then we talked about Gina and some of my other girlfriends that know about the nature of my relationship with my husband, that I lock up his penis, that I fuck him with a strap-on, and know about my “black cock addiction” and my situation with Johnny.
He told me he felt embarrassed that they knew some of these details, and that it made him feel sexually inadequate. We then got into that whole subject, with him ultimately acknowledging that he is in fact sexually inadequate in many respects when it comes to my sexual needs (small penis, erection issues, premature ejaculation problems), and that it was only natural for a women to talk about marital issues like this with her closest friends.
We then talked more about Gina and my husband’s experiences with her recently. He talked about how embarrassed he was when she suddenly showed up at his office to inspect his penis to make sure it was locked up, when I was out of town in Seattle, but also admitted that it kind of turned him on, especially with how stern and matter-of-fact she was about it.
We also talked about how I had her lock up his penis for me last night when she came over to pick me up before going out. “She was a lot rougher than you are, the way she put it on,” he mildly complained.
I expressed disappointment in him, that he had not yet properly thanked Gina for assisting me, and that I expect him to properly thank her the next time he sees her. He asked what I meant by “thanking her”. I suggested that the proper way to thank her would be to show her and demonstrate how he earned the next name of PussyBoy.
“You need to get your face up under her skirt and take care of her pussy, and make her see colors and stars!” This, I know, somewhat distressed my husband because I know how he feels about women like Gina who have weight issues. “I know she’s overweight, and maybe not what you’re used to, but she’s a woman, and she has sexual needs just like I do. We ended that part of the conversation with my asking him “You’re not going to disappoint me by not properly thanking her, are you?” He promised that he wouldn’t.
Getting back to the cocksucking episode last week, my husband confessed to me that while he didn’t exactly enjoy sucking Johnny’s cock, particularly being forced to do it and Johnny cumming in his mouth and forcing him to swallow it, what really got him all freaked out was him worrying about what I was going think of him afterwards, if my feelings for him were going to change, if I was gonna look at him differently, if I was just going to think of him as a fag, as he put it.
And so he spent a lot of time talking about that today. I reassured him that I loved him, always would love him, wanted him to be my husband forever, wasn’t going to leave him, or abandon him, or hurt him, or think less of him just because he sucked Johnny’s cock. At the same time, I also explained that I expect him to respect me, obey me, trust me, and worship the ground I walk on.
I said this to him as he was massaging my feet and sucking on my toes.
“Are you going to be my PussyBoy?”
“Are you going to do what I ask you to do?”
“And trust me?”
“Are you going to be my little cocksucker when I want you to be?”
He hesitated. Then quietly said “yes.”
“Are you gonna suck Johnny’s big black cock when I want you to.”
“If you want me to.”
“Are you gonna suck it really good?”
“And make mommy proud of you?”
“Good. Now let’s get your little white-boy penis out of that cage so you can make love to your wife.”
“Yes. I think you deserve some pussy tonight, don’t you?”
“Yes ma’am. Thank you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, sweetie. I’m glad we had this talk today.”
“Me too. I didn’t mean to disappoint you.”
“I know you didn’t, sweetie. I know you didn’t. Now come up here so mommy can unlock your little penis.”